Vair vair busy week, no time for post. So 12 years of putting my body through intense training has finally entirely backfired. My rheumatologist of all people called to tell me that my 3rd MRI showed a SLAP tear in my shoulder. Cool thing it only took 7 years and a hip injury to find that in my shoulder. So now I'm down to water aerobics and biking until I get shoulder surgery this summer. No tri season for me...But, as with all things, it's a blessing in disguise. My bod is forcing me to have the break I always dreamt of all these years. I am learning what this whole resting and having fun thing is...strange, new territory...My other hope is that I will emerge out of all this with such a strong base and thereby avoid further injury and be even more powerful than before.

A journalist for the Austin-American Statesman spoke in my Media & Politics class today, and her presentation re-inspired me towards journalism. Just in time, too, as that class has been depressing the pants off of me in terms of the media. She showed some really cool aspects of print journalism, though, including the new blogging side of things. She also gets to travel around and investigate things, which is very cool to me. I wish print journalism wasn't considered such a dying art. I kind of want to just write for Outdoors magazine or something, though, and talk about how awesome riding in a canoe is.

This week was kind of like what I imagine my own personal school-like hell might be. Today alone I had a microeconomics test, voice performance, 2 meetings, a 9 page psychology paper to finish (5 weeks of work culminated), and a test to study for. Tomorrow at 12:00, I will feel so freeee.

Spring Break 08 / my pathetic life

What a day. Because I have to get up for ANOTHER doctor's appointment tomorrow, I am going to be so lazy as to merely copy and paste an AIM transcript of today.

Katie: what happened?
Me: i spent 11:00-4:00 at doctors
Me: i had to wear a stupid paper dress
Me: and answer a million questions and be poked
Me: then we had to drive all over the world to find a blood sucking place on our insurance
Katie: that sounds awful!
Me: the usual place looked like the entire building had evacuated..the sign on the door said they'd be back in 30 mins and this stupid alarm beeped literally every 3 seconds so we left
Me: then we found a good place, right back where we started
Me: but i hate getting my blood drawn
Me: at least i got to go to pei wei with my mom and gma
Me: and my 68 year old gma said one of hte first politically reasonable things i've ever heard her say
Katie: ya pei wei!
Me: my grandpa is the most psycho conservative and he has brainwashed my gma who is already kind of a nut, but she came up in her own mind with the idea that she'll have to support obama since she has experienced racism (when she dated a black man) and sexism and mccain means status quo
Katie: LOL
Me: then she went off on some lunatic tirade about blue laws and jesus coming and i lost my rosy glow of admiration

My mom also thinks that Mr. Smuggy McDrugSalesrepPants in the elevator at the hospital was checking me out. He had very large biceps, that's all I saw, mostly because I was blinded by his giant ego. "Oh don't worry about the door closing on me...I'm skinny *snicker snicker*" Oh watch me swoon and die...not. Then I heard blah blah blah "I have the best job in the world." I think I threw up a little bit in my throat.

At home I was so tired from the medical extravaganza that I lay in bed with my snoring dog under the covers and read an entire issue of Cosmo. I hate Cosmo for everything that it is. But I can't stop reading it. I feel so knowledgeable about men's body language and power purses now. Cool thing I will NEVER put it to use. Finally I extracted myself from the dog bed-- she was literally under my covers-- and went to spin class. I tried really hard to reach endorphin euphoria but then my hip starting stabbing me and I was basically filled with a mild rage. We were split into "teams" for one drill ("I Will Survive" blaring in the background, just to set the scene) and I was in the 25 and under category. The poor girl next to me, whom I had been really competitively trying to out-pedal (as pathetic as that makes me...I am fully aware of that fact) because I thought she was younger than me turned out to be not really a girl but in the 26-35 bracket...which I found out when she turned around and gave me the most terrifyingly hopeful grin that I was in her age group when annoying spin class lady was splitting us up. And every time I politely said, "No, I'm not 26," she got even more desperately smiley. I think she wanted to be friends. Too bad I was in a rage.

At home I finally got to watch American Idol, my one and only true tv love, then Miss Guided, 2 documentaries (Liberian democracy and women in science), and Letterman. My tv allotment for the semester rolled into 1 night. And yet more career-related existential angst.

This is my life. Wahoo spring break.

I got the blog job!! For a $175 stipend, I will write an entry every other week as an SU Journalist. Talk about an awesome supplementary/resume building gig.

A month or so ago my roommate gave me this little chocolate man in a box that says "ideal date" wearing heart boxers and possessing large biceps...and this morning he fell off the shelf and broke his pelvis. This felt like a symbolic moment to me. I can't even keep a chocolate man. I mourn the loss of my paraplegic sugar daddy.

Rambley McRambles strikes again

Something I'd really like to figure out is why I find it so hard to be affectionate. My mom tells me that when I was a baby I didn't mind being held, but when I was done I was done and would let the holder know that. Affection was ok in small doses. I'm still that way...I find it hard to verbalize my feelings for people and especially to touch them. I may feel so intensely about a person but find it incredibly hard to say that. I have a hard time saying "I love you" to anyone, even my family whom I love more than anything in the world. I have a hard time letting someone give that first kiss. Hugs are the one exception to my tendencies. It's not that I don't want to be touched, so I don't understand why I am so afraid or hesitant or nervous about it. The exception as far as what I say is when I write it...I can write anything to someone as long as I don't have to watch them read it. Something about immediate reactions freaks me out. Also, when people are upset, I know I should hug them and say comforting things, but I always just stand there and wish I wouldn't have such a hard time reaching out to them. On the complete flip side, once in a relationship I am very affectionate and have no problem at all being that way. Why can I do that but not say "I love you" to my mom and hug a grieving person?

I'm applying for a job at school as a blogger. How suhweeeet is that??

Also, I apparently make an attractive tree.

And I think I want to study in Brazil!